i am surreal. the lights look like heroin. i am delusional but aware, i can adjust my delusion to where i wish to be. i see death and i look in its eyes and smile. i look in deaths eyes and sing 'i can take or leave it if i please' i sing this and death smiles back. it lays a hand upon my cheek, almost endearing. there is a bond now, a bond will not be broken. i sigh as i gaze willingly thru its shell..there is no evil there...

my whole heart

as i watch you fade, slowly drawing back into the distance, and i see my bleeding heart slipping thru your fingers i realize it is time... sometimes the best way to say 'i love you' is to say 'goodbye'

i will never forget

The Fury Within (my rage)

i feel it stirring, trying to break free. i restrain it, holding on, screeching in pain as my nails are pulled from my bloody fingers.

bloody, beaten, angry it curses me with a rage unimagined. i recoil.. terrified even though it is my own creation.

scraping against the floor it crawls from my wound, looking around as if its eyes were those of a newborns. it pretends it doesn't recognize me, but ohh it does, it does.

huddling against the wall it stares me down. it is more stubborn than i .. and i am the first to look away.

taking its chance it expands, breaking free from its shell and explodes through the darkness destroying anything and anyone in its path.

curling up i cry, muttering, trying to call it back.. there is only one way, please.. please... turn away

Master of Disguise

I am watching you watching me. you don't know i can see, you are an artist as a master of disguise, but i know you...

i have seen you so many times, standing alone and lost in your thoughts, lost in your sadness. your open mind is where i reach you, stroking you softly and caressing your heart. your open wounds are where i place my gentle kisses. perfect in innocence, could be nothing less, could be nothing more.

i haven't a clue where you came from, but you have always been here. across the planets, across the times, i can feel you...

who helps the guardian angels? who protects them? i am determined to save you from whatever hurts. i will be underneath you waiting in case you fall. whatever it takes, i will guard you, protect you, save you..whatever it takes...

Love Letter To Death

I see you in the shadows watching me and I want to call out to you. I feel your breath on my face and I long to touch you. I dream every night of you coming to me, ready for everything I have to give you, sweeping me up in your arms in a swirl of lovely black and red and taking me home. I know you want me, I heard you whispering my name. I could be yours forever, all you have to do is come for me... I'll be waiting, always waiting.

I don't exist

I don't exist because:
I go out of my way to help people and instead of being grateful they keep demanding more. Then when I am finished with doing for them, they are finished with me.

I don't exist because:
When I am hurt and used and betrayed those that I thought were my true friends still laugh and play and want to hang around with the person who hurt me.

I don't exist because:
I give all my love but when I cry it goes unoticed.

I don't exist because:
Those that I trusted and I thought loved me turn their back on me when I need them the most.

I don't exist because:
No one really cares if I'm ok.

I don't exist because:
It is to much effort for anyone to really love me.

I'm glad I don't exist. If I did the pain would be to much...

There is no path through the dark, forboding thicket

There is something comforting about the warmth of your own blood drenching your skin. There is something comforting about the sleepy eyed drowsiness of being drained of your life.

but...

There is nothing that compares to the comfort of being loved unconditionally and being touched in such a way that words from the most competent poet could never describe.

For you that have touched me in this way... I will have a smile for you even thru the darkest hours, even thru the pressing pain... I will take from myself my heart to offer, hold it out to you and never doubt your loyalty... I will never leave you